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12-step process | RECOVERED Alcoholic | letting go | change & taking action | relationships, family | courage | doing the right thing | love & forgiveness | patience | honesty/truth | inventory & acceptance | life–ODAAT | self discipline & effort | EGO & self-centeredness | gratitude | the journey/choices | loneliness | God & spirituality | Bill Wilson | Doctor Bob Smith |
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The Twelve Step Recovery process is so successful because it provides a formula for integrating different levels. It is by recognizing that we are powerless to control our life experiences out of ego-self that we can access the power out of True Self, Spiritual Self. By surrendering the illusion of ego control we can reconnect with our Higher Selves. Selfishness out of ego-self is destroying the planet. Selfishness out of Spiritual Self is what will save the planet. –Robert Burney, Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
The challenge for all caught in the compulsive and obsessive behavior of addictions is to replace the seemingly pleasurable experiences that come from drinking, drugs, sexual pleasure, food or whatever the “drug of choice” is, with something more meaningful and lasting. This is what a spiritual experience does. An inner transformation happens as a result of confronting our negative behavior and character defects and turning them over to God. Through continually working and living the process self will surrenders to God’s will. This is being “born again” in a very real way that addicts can appreciate. –Tom Gilbert If a 12 Step member puts the steps into their lives, beginning with the first three steps, they have admitted that they WERE powerless over alcohol, they could not manage their own lives [and damn sure couldn't manage the lives or thinkin' of others], and that they have made a decision to seek out a new manager, turning their wills and lives over to the care of God as they understood it. They are no longer in charge! A Power Greater than themselves has been asked to take over. If a 12 Step member is constantly, on a daily basis, fighting taking a drink [whatever], or fighting life and with others, there is no one in charge but the 12 Step member ... There is no power greater than oneself in that condition. The Ego and Self-will are running amuck!! –Barefoot Bill Lash Is recovery, healing, spiritual growth, and Divine Aid (as Bill Wilson called it) in A.A. still about "finding" God and establishing a relationship with Him? A.A.'s basic text seems to say, Yes. But other "Conference Approved" literature, the chatter at its meetings, the pronouncements of scholars, the observations of historians, the opinions of professors, and the requirements of treatment professionals all appear to shout a loud, "No." These posit quite clearly that A.A. today is not about God or finding God or establishing a relationship with God. It's not about "Divine Help." It's gaining a reputation for being about self-help, believing anything you want, not believing anything at all, and carrying any message you like, but making certain you go to meetings and abstain from drinking! –Dick B., AA Historian The Program is not so much a way of learning new ideas and ways of achieving sobriety and happiness, but a means of LOSING our PAST WRONG ideas of sobriety and happiness. It is a Program for letting go of all these erroneous and selfish ways to APPARENT happiness and one by which we LET GOD guide us to true sobriety and permanent peace of mind and soul and true happiness––in HIS will. Fr. Ralph Pfau, 'Sobriety and Beyond' |
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"RECOVERED" Alcoholics
Alcoholics Anonymous in one hundred percent effective for those who failthfully follow the rules. It is those who try to cut corners who find themselves back in their old drunken state. ...THE A.A. PROGRAM is not a "cure," in the accepted sense of the word. There is no known "cure" for alcoholism except complete abstinence. It has been definitely proved that an alcoholic can never again be a normal drinker. The disease, however, can be arrested. How soon you will be cured of a desire to drink is another matter. That depends entirely upon how quickly you can succeed in changing your fundamental outlook on life. For as your outlook changes for the better, desire will become less pronounced, until it disappears almost entirely. –"The Akron Manual" 1940 The following is a list of practices that early alcoholics adhered to as they were finally cured (recovered) of their drunkenness: (1)Admission of alcoholism, incurable from a medical viewpoint, coupled with the willingness to stop drinking forever. (2) Hospitalization or medical attention at the earliest moment—in almost every case. (3) Belief in the Creator. (4) Establishment of a relationship with Him through acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. (5) Obedience to God’s will. (6) Removal from the alcoholic’s life of the sins which were contrary to God’s will and frequently accompany alcoholism. (7) Participation in Morning Quiet Time and devotion, with Bible study, prayer, and reading of Christian literature. (8) Consistently helping other alcoholics get straightened out. (9) Maintaining frequent social and religious comradeship with other ex-alcoholic believers. (10) Weekly attendance at some religious service. (11) Family participation” (Cured! 12). –Terry D. These folks (dry-boozing AAs) can sometimes pose a problem for the recovered drunk hoping to carry a spiritual message to newcomers. “God talk” is not always welcome in meetings dominated by dry drinkers, and recovered drunks can find themselves the subject of a heated controversy after doing nothing more provocative than relating their experience of the 12 steps. ...An atmosphere of real honesty—absolute honesty as they used to say—is the only place dry booze drinkers are ever going to realize that there is hope for everything that ails them. –James R. "Dry Booze" |
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LETTING GO / RELINQUISHMENT
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. –Joseph Campbell There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will. –Epictetus Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go—and then do it. –Ann Landers Surrender, the active process of letting-go, clears the way for acts of divinity. Relinquishment is necessary before something wondrous can happen. –Lynne Forrest Bearing insult and injury is the highest practice. One has to experience unjustified harm and then attempt to endure it without anger to know how nearly impossible it is to do so. It is then that one will realize that bearing is not just an ordinary practice but truly the highest. Because one has to be willing to let go of one's ego, and letting go of one's ego is the last practice before salvation. –Swami Sivananda The act of taking the first step is what separates the winners from the losers. –Brian Tracy Acceptance is positive and creative; resignation is negative and sterile. Resignation is barren of faith in the love of God. ...it lays down quietly in the dust of a universe from which God seems to have fled, and the door of Hope swings shut. ...Acceptance says, "I trust the good will, the love of my God. I'll open my arms and my understanding to what He has allowed to come to me. Since I know that He means to make all things work together for good, I consent to this present situation with hope for what the future will bring." Acceptance leaves the door of Hope wide open to God's creative plan. –Catherine Marshall, 'Beyond Ourselves' The path of gradual relinquishment of things hindering spiritual progress is a difficult path, for only when relinquishment is complete do the rewards really come. The path of quick relinquishment is an easy path, for it brings immediate results. –Peace Pilgrim We must learn to let go, to give up, to make room for the things we have prayed for and desired. –Charles Fillmore When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. –Tao Te Ching Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to, rather than opposing, the flow of life. –Eckhart Tolle ...when on occasion of practicing some virtue offered, he addressed himself to God saying, "Lord, I cannot do this unless "Thou enablest me." ...When he had failed in his duty, he simply confessed his fault, saying to God, "I shall never do otherwise if Thou leavest me to myself; it is Thou who must hinder my falling, and mend what is amiss." –Brother Lawrence, Practice of the Presence of God ...I have learned that when achievement has come because of our helplessness linked to God's power, it has a rightness about it that no amount of self-inspired striving can have. Furthermore, when achievement comes this way, it does not bear in ti the seeds of increasing egocentricity that success sometimes brings. Because we know that ideas and the ability to implement them flowed into us from somewhere beyond ourselves, we can be objective about our good fortune. We know, too, that if, in the future, the connection with the Source of creativity is broken, there will no be success the next time. –Catherine Marshall, Beyond Our Selves |
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CHANGE / TAKING ACTION
There is nothing permanent except change... –Heraclitus (Ancient Greece) Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them. –Albert Einstein Always choose the future over the past. What do we do now? –Brian Tracy Change. It has the power to uplift, to heal, to stimulate, surprise, open new doors, bring fresh experience and create excitement in life. Certainly it is worth the risk. –Leo Buscaglia I have accepted fear as a part of life—specifically the fear of change. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back. –Erica Jong You can either take action, or you can hang back and hope for a miracle. Miracles are great, but they are so unpredictable. –Peter F. Drucker Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. –Martin Luther King, Jr. If one advances confidently in the direction of their dreams, and endeavors to lead a life which they have imagined, they will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. –Henry David Thoreau When coasting in our comfort zones, we don't grow. We continue to do more of the same... Maintaining a comfort zone can, paradoxically, lead to discomfort in the long run. If by being comfortable we avoid important life issues, internal tension accumulates... Eventually, as both internal and external pressures for change persist, the "comfort zone" ceases to serve us. –Eric Allenbaugh Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life. –Herbert Otto Do not wait; the time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along. –Napoleon Hill The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving. –Oliver Wendell Holmes First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. –Epictetus As you begin changing your thinking, start immediately to change your behavior. Begin to act the part of the person you would like to become. Take action on your behavior. Too many people want to feel, then take action. This never works. –John Maxwell All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work. –Thomas J. Watson |
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RELATIONSHIPS / FAMILY / FRIENDSHIP
The quality of love and the duration of a relationship are in direct proportion to the depth of the commitment by both people to making the relationship successful. Commit yourself wholeheartedly and unconditionally to the most important people in your life. –Brian Tracy
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. –Kahlil Gibran That's the risk you take if you change: that people you've been involved with won't like the new you. But other people who do will come along. –Lisa Alther Govern a family as you would cook a small fish—very gently. –Chinese Proverb Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing. –Jim Rohn Bringing up a family should be an adventure, not an anxious discipline in which everybody is constantly graded for performance. –Milton R. Saperstein The bonds that unite families and friends are not forged for a little while, they are for eternity. They stretch across every boundary of space and time... They are something to be cherished, to be fought for, to be kept intact at all cost. People—with their fears and their foibles and their dreams. People—with their struggles toward faith, with the pain and the exaltation of their pilgrimage. People—with personalities that live on and on, growing, learning, loving, lending helping hands to others. People—that's what life is all about. –Catherine Marshall It is difficult to see ourselves as we are. Sometimes we are fortunate enough to have good friends, lovers or others who will do us the good service of telling us the truth about ourselves. When we don't, we can so easily delude ourselves, lose a sense of truth about ourselves, and our conscience loses power and purpose. Mostly, we tell ourselves what we would like to hear. We lose our way. –Jon Katz If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere. –Zig Ziglar Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 'Pooh?' he whispered. 'Yes, Piglet?' 'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.' –A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh) |
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Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them. –Ralph Waldo Emerson
Personal mastery teaches us to choose. Choosing is a courageous act: picking the results and actions which you will make into your destiny. –Peter Senge When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly. –Patrick Overton That which does not kill us makes us stronger. — Friedrich Nietzsche Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage. –Lao Tso You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do. –Eleanor Roosevelt When we avoid the legitimate suffering that results from dealing with problems, we also avoid the growth that problems demand from us. – Scott Peck |
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DOING THE (NEXT) RIGHT THING
We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or action. –p 86 of the AA Big Book Always do the right thing. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. –Mark Twain To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right. –Confucius Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. –Will Rogers Your conscience can tell you the difference between right and wrong, but only the voice of God can show you the difference between two rights.–James Houck Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not. –Oprah Winfrey My basic principle is that you don't make decisions because they are easy; you don't make them because they are cheap; you don't make them because they're popular; you make them because they're right. –Theodore Hesburgh It is love alone that leads to right action. What brings order in the world is to love and let love do what it will. – Jiddu Krishnamurti It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result. – Gandhi Great beauty, great strength, and great riches are really and truly of no great use; a right heart exceeds all. –Benjamin Franklin Life is like a game of chess, in which there are an infinite number of complex moves possible. The choice is open, but the move contains within itself all future moves. One is free to choose, but what follows is the result of one's choice. From the consequences of one's action there is never any escape." –Shelley Smith in The Ballad of the Running Man |
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LOVE and FORGIVENESS
If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now. –Marcu Aurelius The Spectrum of Love has nine ingredients:-- Patience . . . . . . 'Love suffereth long.' Kindness . . . . . . 'And is kind.' Generosity . . . . 'Love envieth not.' Humility . . . . . . 'Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.' Courtesy . . . . . . 'Doth not behave itself unseemly.' Unselfishness . . 'Seeketh not her own.' Good Temper . . 'Is not easily provoked.' Guilelessness . . 'Thinketh no evil.' Sincerity . . . . . .'Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.'BUT 'The greatest of these is Love' ...Love is the universal language ...There is only one thing greater than happiness in the world, and that is holiness; and it is not in our keeping; but what God has put in our power is the happiness of those about us, and that is largely to be secured by our being kind to them. ...Where Love is, God is. ...Courtesy: this is Love in society, Love in relation to etiquette. ...The only greatness is unselfish love. ...there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. ...Love is not easily provoked. ...Will-power does not change men. Time does not change men. Christ does. ...Sincerity: Love rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth. ...We love, because He first loved us. To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love for ever is to live for ever. Hence, eternal life is inextricably bound up with love We want to live for ever for the same reason that we want to live tomorrow. Why do you want to live tomorrow? It is because there is some one who loves you, and whom you want to see tomorrow, and be with, and love back. There is no other reason why we should live on than that we love and are beloved. It is when a man has no one to love him that he commits suicide. So long as he has friends, those who love him and whom he loves, he will live; because to live is to love. Be it but the love of a dog, it will keep him in life; but let that go and he has no contact with life, no reason to live. The 'energy of life' has failed. 'This is life eternal, that they might know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom Thou hast sent.' Love must be eternal. It is what God is. On the last analysis, then, love is life. –Henry Drummond, from 'The Greatest Thing in the World' –link The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves that we find in them. – Thomas Merton Do not keep the alabaster box of your friendship sealed up until your friends are dead. Fill their lives with sweetness. Speak approving, cheering words while their ears can hear them, and while their hearts can be thrilled and made happier. The kind of things you mean to say when they are gone, say before they go. –George W. Childs We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness. –David Weatherford The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. –Mahatma Gandhi I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him. –Booker T. Washington |
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PATIENCE
Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success. –Brian Adams Patience is the greatest of all virtues. –Cato the Elder (234 - 149 BC) There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. –Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924) Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice. –George Jackson Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them—every day begin the task anew. –Saint Francis de Sales (1567 - 1622) If it sometimes seems that you’re not making any progress, it’s because the Lord is untying your knots one at a time. It may be hard, and it may take time, but if you will commit yourself to the process of getting well, sooner or later you will see victory in your life and experience the freedom you have wanted for so long. –Joyce Meyer Never think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius. –George-Louis Leclerc de Buffon |
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If we are going to be honest with others we must go on being honest with ourselves. Life moves ahead and fresh discoveries about ourselves have to be made, fresh difficulties faced, or sins confessed. –Cecil Rose, When Man Listens When we do something wrong and then cover it up and lie, it is not so much the particular thing that we did wrong that harms us, it's the lying about it afterwards that does the real damage. We are all weak, we all fall, we all commit sin. God understands this and it is not so much the sin itself that harms us. What causes the real harm is lying, covering up, sneaking around, not being transparent, living a double life. Why? Because the human spirit is not made to live in dishonesty and duplicity. When we do wrong, we either have to stop doing what we are doing or, at least in honesty and contrition own our weakness, or our spirits will automatically begin to harden and to warp. Such is the anatomy of the soul; it can not tolerate moral duplicity for long without hardening and warping. ...Sobriety is ultimately not about alcohol or some drug. It's about honesty and transparency. And, like honesty and transparency, it is not all or nothing, but has degrees. We are all sober according to more or less, according to the degree that our lives are an open book with nothing hidden in the closet. –Ron Rolheiser, OMI I am a big believer in the 'mirror test.' All that matters is if you can look in the mirror and honestly tell the person you see there, that you've done your best. –John McKay I hope I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man. –George Washington When you stretch the truth, watch out for the snapback. –Bill Copeland If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. –Mark Twain We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. –Tad Williams Our lives improve only when we take chances—and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves. –Walter Anderson Over and over we must ask ourselves, "Is it true or is it false?" For honesty is the eternal search for truth. ...The real virtue in honesty lies in the persistent dedicated striving for it. ...Truth is life and falsity is spiritual death. It's an everlasting, unrelenting instinct for truth that counts. Honesty is not a policy. It has to be a constant conscious state of mind. ...It is easier to be honest with others than with ourselves. Our searching self- inventories help because the man who knows himself is at least on the doorstep of honesty. When we try to enhance our stature in the eyes of others, dishonesty is there in the shadows. ...Our sobriety is a gift, but honesty is a grace that we must earn and constantly fight to protect and enlarge."Is it true or false?". Let us make that a ceaseless question that we try to answer with all the sober strength and intelligence we have. –from Silkworth.net TRUTH from his lips prevailed with double sway, and fools who came to scoff, remained to pray. –Oliver Goldsmith Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened. –Winston Churchhill |
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SELF-INVENTORY and ACCEPTANCE
If you hear that someone is speaking ill of you, instead of trying to defend yourself you should say: "He obviously does not know me very well, since there are so many other faults he could have mentioned." –Epictetus One of the greatest moments in anybody's developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide from himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is. –Norman Vincent Peale It is only after self-appraisal of our personal and business life that we can redirect our energies and make changes. We must understand where we are today if we want to reach our destination of tomorrow's dreams. A map to get you to the place that you want to go is a worthless piece of paper unless you know where you are starting from. –Joe Rossini All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story or tell a story about them. –Isak Dinesen Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. –William James Getting to know yourself or someone else is a bit like peeling an onion layer by layer, until you reach the core! There may be a few tears along the way, but it's worth it! –Simon Heighwaya Our entire life consists ultimately in accepting ourselves as we are. –Jean Anouilh Our history is not our destiny. –Alan Cohen Accept everything about yourself—I mean everything, you are you and that is the beginning and the end—no apologies, no regrets. –Clark Moustakas We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses. –C. G. Jung Bring to (God) every secret you have locked away from Him. Open every door to Him, and bid Him enter the darkness and lighten it away. At your request He enters gladly. He brings the light to darkness if you make the darkness open to Him. But what you hide He cannot look upon. –A Course in Miracles |
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LIFE – 24 Hours At A Time
Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow. –Mahatma Gandhi Due to circumstances beyond my control I am master of my fate and captain of my soul. –Ashleigh Brilliant Live in today, and do not allow yourself to live in the past under any pretense. Living the past means thinking about the past, rehearsing past events, especially if you do this with feeling...train yourself to be a man or woman who lives one day at a time. You'll be surprised how rapidly conditions will change for the better when you approach this ideal. – Dr. Emmet Fox A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life. –James Allen Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame. –Erica Jong "Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." –Mark Twain There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. –Albert Einstein Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. –William James Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time journey...delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas, and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride. –Gordon B. Hinckley Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it "The Present". — Eleanor Roosevelt The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. – Buddha Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more, and all good things will be yours. –Swedish proverb Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show. –David Gerrold |
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SELF DISCIPLINE and EFFORT
It is not enough to have great qualities; We should also have the management of them. –La Rochefoucauld Mental toughness is many things and rather difficult to explain. Its qualities are sacrifice and self-denial. Also, most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in. It's a state of mind-you could call it character in action. –Vince Lombardi In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves... self-discipline with all of them came first. –Harry S. Truman By constant self-discipline and self-control you can develop greatness of character. –Grenville Kleiser In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results, and the strength of the effort is the measure of the result. Chance is not. "Gifts," powers, material, intellectual, and spiritual possessions are the fruits of effort. They are thoughts completed, objects accomplished, visions realized. The thoughtless, the ignorant, and the indolent, seeing only the apparent effects of things and not the things themselves, talk of luck, of fortune, and chance. See a man grow rich, they say, "How lucky he is!" Observing another become intellectual, they exclaim, "How highly favored he is!" And noting the saintly character and wide influence of another, the remark, "How chance aids him at every turn!" They do not see the trials and failures and struggles which these men have voluntarily encountered in order to gain their experience. They have no knowledge of the sacrifices they have made, of the undaunted efforts they have put forth, of the faith they have exercised, that they might overcome the apparently insurmountable, and realize the Vision of their heart. They do not know the darkness and the heartaches; they only see the light and joy, and call it "luck"; do not see the long and arduous journey, but only behold the pleasant goal, and call it "good fortune"; do not understand the process, but only perceive the result, and call it "chance." The vision that you glorify in your mind, the Ideal that you enthrone in your heart - this you will build your life by, this you will become. –James Allen, 'As a Man Thinketh' |
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EGO and SELF-CENTERDNESS
There’s only one thing that can keep growing without nourishment: the human ego. —Marshall Lumsden Even the desire for peace of mind or bliss is an ego. Life is a battle, and we don't want to face that. – Richard Rose If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It's very important to be aware of them every time they come up. –Deepak Chopra The ego is nothing more than a part of your belief about yourself. The ego analyzes; the Holy Spirit accepts. The appreciation of wholeness comes only through acceptance... The ego will always substitutes chaos for meaning, for if separation is (its) salvation, harmony is (its) threat... The ego focuses on error and overlooks truth. ...The ego is afraid of the spirit's joy... The ego and the spirit do not know each other... when you trust in your ego for guidance, it brings you confusion, separation, chaos, isolation, and illusions... it tries to keep you focused on the nonessentials of guilt, pain, misery, false humility, fear, body appetites, and holding on to the past. This impedes your learning process and healing. –excerpts from A Course in Miracles A human being is a part of the whole called by us 'universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. – Albert Einstein A new way of thinking has become the necessary condition for responsible living and acting. If we maintain obsolete values and beliefs, a fragmented consciousness and self-centered spirit, we will continue to hold onto outdated goals and behavior. –Dalai Lama |
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GRATITUDE
For today and its blessings, I owe the world an attitude of gratitude. –Clarence E. Hodges Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. –Melodie Beattie Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. –William Arthur Ward One can never pay in gratitude; one can pay "in kind" somewhere else in life. –Anne Morrow Lindbergh Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. –W. T. Purkiser So often we dwell on the things that seem impossible rather than on the things that are possible. So often we are depressed by what remains to be done and forget to be thankful for all that has been done. –Marian Wright Edelman When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup. –Sam Lefkowitz I asked for strength that I might achieve; I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things; I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy; I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men; I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life; I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I had asked for, but everything that I had hoped for. Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered; I am, among all men, most richly blessed. –Prayer of an Unknown Confederate Soldier Joy is what happens when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. – Marianne Williamson The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. –H. U. Westermayer COUNT YOUR BLESSING (hymn by Johnson Oatman, Jr., pub.1897) 1. When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed, When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done. Refrain: Count your blessings, name them one by one, Count your blessings, see what God hath done! Count your blessings, name them one by one, Count your many blessings, see what God hath done. 2. Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear? Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly, And you will keep singing as the days go by. 3. When you look at others with their lands and gold, Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold; Count your many blessings—wealth can never buy, Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high. 4. So, amid the conflict whether great or small, Do not be discouraged, God is over all; Count your many blessings, angels will attend, Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end. |
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THE JOURNEY / MAKING CHOICES
The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. –Marcel Proust It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. –Ursula K. LeGuin There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go. –Tennessee Williams Man can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown. –Claude Bernard The spiritual journey does not consist of arriving at a new destination where a person gains what he did not have, or becomes what he is not. It consists in the dissipation of one's own ignorance concerning oneself and life, and the gradual growth of that understanding which begins the spiritual awakening. The finding of God is a coming to one's self. – Aldous Huxley The world is full of wonders and miracles but man takes his little hand and covers his eyes and sees nothing. –Israel Baal Shem Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. –Mark Twain How to make choices: Your conscience can tell you the difference between right and wrong, but only the voice of God can show you the difference between two rights. ...When we listen to God and test our thoughts, we find that God directs us toward the path that is of maximum benefit to everyone." –James Houck If you play it safe in life you've decided that you don't want to grow any more. –Shirley Hufstedler Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you. – Carlos Castaneda The right people to help you on your journey: These are the people who to some extent already know what you are seeking to know and who may be willing to help you and teach you. Once you really begin to go toward God, the people you need to help you are brought to you, often when you least expect them, for example when you've been trying hard and have failed and have almost quit. ...The search for people who can teach us is exciting, frustrating, bewildering, and immensely rewarding in friendships born of the love that has no price tag and seeks no return. This search requires of us a real hunger for the truth, a refusal to settle for anything but the truth no matter how it is disguised or hidden, and a willingness to suffer any pains for the sake of the truth. ...you can begin to get real answers, and you can begin to find the people who can help you, just as soon as you mean business and are willing to stop lying to yourself and go to work. But you must mean business. Otherwise the whole affair turns into just one more charade, one more thing with a lot of wind and words that go nowhere. –Thomas E Powers, 'Invitation to a Great Experiment' |
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LONELINESS
The pain of loneliness and isolation creates a significant obstacle to achieving a relationship with oneself. Avoiding healthy social interaction prevents us from seeing ourselves through the eyes of others and experiencing our humanness. The emotional pain from loneliness and/or isolation may also cause people to seek out the company of anyone who is willing to spend time with them. Often the alcoholic/addict will enter into a toxic relationship to avoid spending time by themselves. Both isolation and seeking toxic relationships enable the addict/alcoholic to avoid the person they fear and dislike the most - themselves. ...Alcoholics/addicts need to learn how to experience solitude/aloneness without isolating. They need to spend time alone discovering their likes and dislikes. Solitude enables the alcoholic/addict to develop an appreciation of their strengths and their limitations. It is an opportunity to discover and accept their humanness and to not be afraid of who they are. Learning to spend time alone takes time and probably should be done in increments. A few minutes a day spent in meditation, listening to music, reading or just staring at the ocean or the stars are all ways to begin a journey of self discovery. –Rita Barsky, addiction counselor ...one (yearning) is deeper than all the others: What we really long for, beneath everything else, is a moral partner, someone to meet us in the depth of our souls, someone from whom we don't have to hide what's truest inside of us, and someone who understands and spontaneously honours all that is most precious to us. Someone like that would be a true soul-partner and more than we long someone to sleep with sexually, we long for someone to sleep with in this way, morally. ...The old myths express it best when they tell that, before we were born, God kissed our souls and we go through life always remembering, in some dark way, that kiss and measuring everything else in relation to it and its original purity, tenderness, and sweetness. ...This is the place of deepest intimacy and the place of deepest loneliness, the place where we are innocent and the place where we are violated, the place where we are holy, temples of God, sacred churches of reverence, and the place that we corrupt when we willfully lie. This is our moral center and the aching we feel there is rightly called moral loneliness. It is here that we long for a soul mate. –Ron Rolheiser, OMI Loneliness is a state of feeling cut off from and longing for others, due to lack of contact (physically, emotionally, etc.) with people (whether acquaintances, friends, or loved ones). Loneliness is not to be confused with solitude (where a person may appreciate the time to think and reflect without distraction). It is the state of being alone in solitary isolation. It means the forlornness i.e. sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned. It may also be the state of loneliness i.e. a disposition toward being alonePray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for. –Dag Hammarskjold |
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GOD & SPIRITUALITY
These are just a drop in the bucket––only a beginning. Check out a small list of a variety of spiritual links from the Rose City Recovery Connections page
"It is useless to seek His guidance in one area of life when we are not prepared for Him to talk to us about a certain other area with which He needs to deal first. If we want guidance about our family, we may have to listen to some things God has to tell us about ourselves, our character and habits. ...It is all or nothing. Before you begin to listen to God, you must get rid of any known reservations." –Cecil Rose, from When Man ListensI don't find it helpful to think of God as a noun but, rather, as a verb. God is not a He or a She or an It... God is not an object but, rather, a process that goes on constantly, everywhere, and either we realize our own selves to be verbs and part of that grand process, or we don't. ...describing that process is much trickier... I believe the underlying process of the universe fom here to there and beyond is simply this – Conscious creating itself. ...the process of Consciousness manifests in ways that can delight or frighten; awe us into silence or, in a voice or the face of a loved one or a complete stranger or a voice singing, move us to tears. –Brian Robertson more here...
Each of us is here to discover our true Self that essentially we are spiritual beings who have taken manifestation in physical form that we‘re not human beings that have occasional spiritual experiences… that we’re spiritual beings that have occasional human experiences. ~ Deepak Chopra |
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BILL WILSON
“Sobriety—freedom from alcohol—through the teaching and the practice of the Twelve Steps is the SOLE PURPOSE of an A.A. group.” –Bill Wilson, Grapevine, 1958. “So all during the summer of 1935, I lived with the Smiths. An experience I shall never, never forget. You see it must be remembered that I was almost without any religious instruction. A few things picked up from the Oxford Group, odd pieces of reading. I had quit the Congregational Sunday School when 10, because I was asked to sign a temperance pledge! So that was the extent of my spiritual training and theological knowledge at the moment. And here were these people: so tender, so wise, so devout in the best sense of the word. The house was frightfully run down, and I remember sitting in what was then a portage flat in the place, but which was nevertheless effused with a real radiance at hand. We’d sit there beside the fireplace and read from the Bible. And I’m rather an impatient fellow when they tried to train me on the meditation business. In other words, they became my teachers.” [recorded tapes of Bill W. at Founders Day, 1959] "Some AA's say, 'I don't need religion, because AA is my religion.' As a matter of fact, I used to take this tack myself. After enjoying this simple and comfortable view for some years I finally awoke to the probability that there might be sources of spiritual teaching, wisdom and assurance outside of AA. AA had provided me with the spiritual home and climate wherein I was welcome and could do useful work. This was very fine, all to the good. Yet I finally discovered that I needed more than this. Quite rightly, AA didn't try to answer all of my questions." –from The Clergy, A.A. Grapevine, Inc. Sept 1957 link at silkworth.net “On entering AA, we become the beneficiaries of a very different experience. Our new way of staying sober is literally founded upon the proposition that ‘Of ourselves, we are nothing, the Father doeth the works.’ In Steps One and Two of our recovery program, these ideas are specifically spelled out: ‘We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable’—’Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.’ We couldn’t lick alcohol with our own remaining resources and so we accepted the further fact that dependence upon a higher power (if only our AA group) could do this hitherto impossible job. The moment we were able to fully accept these facts, our release from the alcohol compulsion had begun. For most of us this pair of acceptances had required a lot of exertion to achieve. Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with old-fashioned willpower; it was instead a matter of developing the willingness to accept these new facts of living. We neither ran nor fought. But accept we did. And then we were free. There had been no irretrievable disaster. This kind of acceptance and faith is capable of producing 100 percent sobriety. In fact it usually does; and it must, else we could have no life at all.” –Bill W, 1962 Grapvine article, "A Pair of Acceptances" |
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It wasn't until 1938 that the teachings and efforts and studies that had been going on were crystallized in the form of the Twelve Steps. I didn't write the Twelve Steps. I had nothing to do with the writing of them. But I think I probably had something to do with them indirectly. After my June 10th episode, Bill came to live at our house and stayed for about three months. There was hardly a night that we didn't sit up until two or three o'clock, talking. It would be hard for me to conceive that, during these nightly discussions around our kitchen table, nothing was said that influenced the writing of the Twelve Steps. We already had the basic ideas, though not in terse and tangible form. We got them, as I said, as a result of our study of the Good Book. We must have had them. Since then, we have learned from experience that they are very important in maintaining sobriety. We were maintaining sobriety - therefore, we must have had them. –from Dec. 1948 talk in Detroit, MI The four absolutes, as we called them, were the only yardsticks we had in the early days, before the Steps. I think the absolutes still hold good and can be extremely helpful. I have found at times that a question arises, and I want to do the right thing, but the answer is not obvious. Almost always, if I measure my decision care-fully by the yardsticks of absolute honesty, absolute unselfishness, absolute purity, and absolute love, and it checks up pretty well with those four, then my answer can't be very far out of the way. If, however, I do that and I'm still not too satisfied with the answer, I usually consult with some friend whose judgment, in this particular case, would be very much better than mine. But usually the absolutes can help you to reach your own personal decision without bothering your friends. Suppose we have trouble taking the First Step; we can't get quite honest enough to admit that John Barleycorn really has bested us. The lack of absolute purity is involved here - purity of ideas, purity of motives. Absolute unselfishness includes the kind of service I have been taking about - not the dime or two bits to the bum, but actually giving of yourself. As you well know, absolute love incorporates all else. It's very difficult to have absolute love. I don't think any of us will ever get it, but that doesn't mean we can't try to get it. –from Dec. 1948 talk in Detroit, MI Dr Bob, physician, and a cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous - ". . . would explain prayer by telling how the camels in a caravan would kneel down in the evening, and the men would unload their burdens. In the morning, they would kneel down again, and the men would put the burdens back on. ’It’s the same with prayer,’ Dr. Bob said. ’We get on our knees to unload at night. And in the morning when we get on our knees again, God gives us just the load we are able to carry for that day.’" –Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers (1980), page 229 |
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